Because of You
by ckm102
Summary: Jade West has always been a pretty mean girl and no one knows why. But, now Jade can't take it anymore and has decided to end it all. This is Jade's story. This is Jade's secret. *Based on the song "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson*


_I will not make the same mistake that you did_

_I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery_

My name is Jadelynn Elizabeth West and I have a secret

Ever since I was a little girl, my parents have been divorced

When my parents divorced, my mom lost it

She used to verbally abuse me whenever and however she wanted

That is, until I was nine years old

_I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard_

_I learned the hard way to never let it get that far_

She met a man

This man's name was Richard Lindberg

He was crazier than my mom herself

Soon after their chance meeting, they were married

And it seemed to me that the second me and my mom moved in with him, the abuse started

_Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me_

_Because of you, I am afraid_

Before my mom got remarried, it was only verbal abuse

She insulted me every chance she got. blaming me for the divorce

But once Richard came into our lives (or rather her life, he wanted nothing to do with me) everything changed

_I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out_

_I cannot cry, because I know it's weakness in your eyes_

He always acted like he loved her but at the same time, he hit her

He hit me too

And after a while, she started up too

_I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life_

_My heart can't possibly break_

_When it wasn't even whole to start with_

Before, when my mom was single, I always believed she loved me

I mean, sure, she verbally attacked me, but I believed that at the same time, she always had my best interests at heart

That is, before she had Richard

_Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me_

_Because of you, I am afraid_

This nonstop abuse has been going on for almost ten years now

Now, I'm a senior at my high school, Hollywood Arts.

It's a Performing Arts school

I have friends and enemies (The enemies part I'm used to)

I also have a boyfriend, but everytime I look at him, all I see is my step-dad

_I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep_

_I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me_

_You never thought of anyone else , you just saw your pain_

_And now I cry in the middle of the night for that same damn thing_

My mom was and still is abused herself

She hits me bacause he hits her

She's a a very selfish human being, that's for sure

She takes out her anger and hurt on me

When she was first getting used to the concept of being an abuse victim, she would cry every night because she just wanted to find a man she could trust

And clearly, that man wasn't Richard

My friends and boyfriend wonder why I'm always so violent around them

Why I'm obsessed with scissors, horror movies, and other people's pain

What they don't realize is that the reason I am the way I am is because school is the only place where I can act tough

At home that is so not the case

I cry every night now for the same reason my mom used to:

My step-dad and his violent tendencies

_Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you, I try my hardest just to forget everything_

_Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in_

_Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_

I just can't take it anymore!  
All I want is a normal life!

Iv'e been forced to go through this since I was nine years old

Iv'e tried repeatedly to forget everything I go through and be a normal teenage girl as much as I possibly can

It's amazing to me that I allowed Beck, my boyfriend, to be in my life as much as I don't trust guys

So considering everything Iv'e ever had to deal with, Iv'e dicided to end it all

End all the pain and suffering I go through every damn day!

That's why I wrote this

So people will know once and for all why I look at life the way I do

Everyone's gonna see this, I know that.

Because I'm gonna put it in a place where I know someone will find it

I don't care who finds it as long as people know

I hope my step-dad feels really bad after this!

And I also hope that when he dies, he goes to hell and rots there!

_Because of you_

_Because of you_

_Because of you_

My name is Jadelynn Elizabeth West, known to my friends as Jade

And as I take these pills, I want everyone to know...that I am with God now

Forever and always,

Jade West


End file.
